Be You

sometimes it seems as if people spend years of their life shying away from the things they are most passionate about, their likes, their tendencies, quirks, styles, habits, hobbies, or loves and desires that are within them. they muffle these things down and it ends up stifling their progress; all because of a fear of failure, rejection, judgment, or disdain. it's so much easier to put our true passions on 'mute' because it's easier to stay on the safe side, more commonly traveled.

i did this for quite some time. i think we all do it at some point, for some length, and usually for some irrational reasons. but, it's important to understand that we were each put on this planet to embrace our quirky, sophisticated, daring, goofy, edgy, unique, passionate, shy, lovable human selves. 

don't ever take that appreciation away from yourself. notice it. embrace it. celebrate it. bask in it. learn it. and most importantly -- love it. your light is in there -- you can't truly live your life while being afraid to ignite your own flame. 

like american novelist edith wharton said, “there are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” 

if you're spreading light either way, i'd encourage you to be that wonderfully unique candle giving off a pure light of your own instead of attempting to be an identical reflection of another. it's way more fun than trying to be somebody else.

@haleyjoprice
Lexi from SkWids.com

Useful and Useless Thoughts

"For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."

I believe Shakespeare was on to something there. In Hamlet, Act II, Scene 2, his lead character makes that simple but profound revelation. 

And so it is with our everyday lives. Our encounters, victories, frustrations, close misses -- all are subject to our own internal voice. Those little electrical connections that are buzzing in our brains are evaluating, judging, and commenting on the activities and events that are happening throughout our day. We've all found ourselves at the mercy of our own thoughts, but when we figure out how to actively divide our thoughts into different categories, we begin to make some headway. 

I discovered that my own natural tendency is to drift towards negativity. Left to itself, my internal dialogue is rarely uplifting unless I'm actively pulling it in that direction. 

"Do I like this?" No.

"Am I good at this new activity?" Not really.

"Are people looking at me funny? Are their whispers about me?" Probably so. 

Or, I'll take it even further...

"I suck at this. I'm awful. And these other people are even worse than I am." 

Unproductive. Consciously, I have to choose to replace my useless thoughts and my negative internal conversations with more helpful and productive phrases, like...

"I can, I will, and I am going to do well at this."

"I am focused on progress, not perfection."

"Something about this will help me 5 years from now."

"This situation will make a great story someday...."

"I will laugh about this later, so why not laugh now?"

I have to say positive things out loud to myself and to others or else my mind likes to gravitate over to the dark side. I discovered that by saying these helpful things out loud, my mind would begin to paint a useful picture and help me come up with solutions. I would visualize what I wanted to happen rather than wallowing in negative images and thoughts.

Entertain only those thoughts which build you up; trash the rest.

Ask yourself what thoughts help you feel confident. What thoughts drain you. The toughest battleground most of us will ever face is the 6" between our ears.

Lee McCroskey
@rleemcc
Director of Leadership, Southwestern Advantage

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Love Languages

lately i've caught myself noticing and trying to notice how different people in my life seem to express their affection towards others. i don't necessarily mean the mushy smoochy romantic love, but friendship, respect, and admiration included. even a general "i like you." this is mostly due to one of my favorite books called the five love languages, by gary chapman, which explains in detail how there are five main ways that we as people like to give and receive love and affection. 

the five "love languages" are 1) words of affirmation 2) quality time 3) gift giving 4) acts of service and 5) physical touch. 

the book explains that every person has their primary love language. this means that they feel most loved when someone displays one of these 5 languages towards them. think for a second how you can apply this in your daily relationships with your significant other, friends, neighbors, customers, etc. 

is your special lady's primary love language receiving gifts? bring her a key chain or postcard from that souvenir stand in the truck stop where you filled up. that tiny gesture might make her day; but, if you take out the garbage for her in the morning as an act of service, your gesture may go unnoticed on her gift giving love radar. here you were doing something nice, just to end up feeling frustrated. 

sometimes we express love only in OUR primary love language; and fail to speak in theirs. this can lead to misunderstandings or conflict because people are not necessarily "hearing" the love that you're trying to give. 

heres another example. say your mom's main love language is quality time. this means that nothing makes her quite as happy as when you two spend time together doing anything. cooking, walking, playing board games, or sitting next to each other in silence watching a movie. your physical proximity is her deal. she "hears" that as your declaration of love for her. however, if you're unaware of this and you send her a card and flowers on her birthday thinking that it's a great gesture, in all reality she probably will appreciate it, but you showing up at her front door would've made her really feel the love. she would've heard your physical presence loud and clear. 

so what's your primary love language? do you make those who are close to you aware of it? do you try to learn what they respond to most? this is many times a very helpful exercise as it can strengthen the methods of communication between two people, ensuring that the love being given, is also received. 

@haleyjoprice
Lexi from SkWids.com

How To Get Unstuck

Hey friends! Have you ever been at work and felt as if you were getting stuck mentally? In other words, you thought: "This can't be done," or "Hitting that goal seems impossible!" Of course you have, because we all have. We all tend to limit ourselves at times -- we get stuck in a comfort zone, and some irrational fears start chattering.

Here's a principle of human nature that we can use in these moments. NLP shows us that questions are the answer. When our brain hears a question, no matter how unreasonable the questions may be, it automatically imagines an answer to it. Try it for yourself. Pick something that you feel like you cannot do, or never do very well. Then, ask yourself this question: "What would it be like if I could do ____ really well?"

Example: "What would it be like if I could sing really well?" Or "What would it be like if I took action instead of procrastinated on my to-do lists?"

Your brain automatically shifts into imagination mode as to what it would be like. It can't help it. It's an automatic function. Your mind begins moving from the frozen positions of "impossible" to one of, "what would it be like if...?" That's a much more resourceful state to be living in. 

Belief is a funny thing. Our brains always look for evidence to support our thoughts. We must be careful what we think about in our own abilities or potential. When we make statements to ourselves like, "I could never ___ like they do," we tend to believe it. To ask yourself, "What would it be like if I could ____?" immediately shifts our brain from stuckness to unstuckness. We imagine possibilities and answers instead of limits. 

After you begin to imagine what it would be like if you did have that particular skill or ability, then it might be useful to ask, "And how would I do that?"

Hmmm. Hello, more potential answers and useful thoughts! You might decide to call that high performing person and ask them for some advice. You might look for ways to model their behavior and/or their attitude. You might ask them what they think about and compare it to where your thoughts are drifting. Once you get unstuck using the "what would it be like if I..." question, you can then switch over to the "how" questions.

Use this rut-breaking question in all areas of your life. What would it be like if I read more each day? What would it be like if I could give back to my community once a week? How about in dating: What would it be like if I were really confident about asking cool people out? Think about it. What works for you? Incidentally, there is a very neat iPad/iPhone app called Unstuck, which talks you through possible solutions.

Lee McCroskey
@rleemcc
Director of Leadership, Southwestern Advantage

Give a Little Extra

it's such a pleasant surprise when a person or business delivers more than you expected or even asked for. in business, and in life, going above and beyond can do a lot for your reputation, win you a lot of new customers, and put some needed smiles on all of our faces.

the nice man who serves up my lunch some days at the deli near my building heard me mention that i like tortilla strips in my soup. after a few visits, he began to prepare me a small to-go container of tortilla strips for my soup without me even asking. now there are better places in town to get soup, some are even within walking distance, but you better believe i'll be visiting my over-delivering buddy with the tortilla strips when hunger strikes. 

the bakery that opens their doors at 7:56am instead of 8:00 because someone is standing outside. the local dry cleaner who tirelessly remembers the names of his frequent guests. the dressing room attendant who brings you a shirt on sale that matches the pants you're trying on. 

mcdonalds is a good example of this (although i'm not an advocate of the chain), but what do you think helped them sell millions and millions of happy meals? we all know that it isn't the quality of the meat that kids get excited over. it was the toy that came along with it. the "happy" in a happy meal was a result of the something extra and unexpected, which probably didn't cost mcdonalds more than a few pennies, but helped them sell millions of burgers.

i read about virgin america going above and beyond in their airline service. they flew 15 chihuahuas from san francisco to new york city to find new homes. they didn't stick the puppies in the cargo bin though, the flew them in the main cabin. a completely unnecessary but thoughtful thing for them to do. 

the 'little extras' do not have to be big, costly, or newsworthy. in fact they rarely are. just a little something that differentiates you from the rest of the pack. don't just send over that powerpoint presentation your boss asked for. pay particular attention to the layout, format, and include the company colors. answer your phone calls with a smile on your face. do a little digging and tell your customers something interesting they didn't know about the place where they're choosing to take their business. 

whoever is crossing your path, be determined to delight them. as my friend nicholas bate would say, "don't just be good, be excellent."

go be generous with your tortilla strips today.

@haleyjoprice
Lexi from SkWids.com

Teach People How To Treat You

Earlier this year, I was invited to teach at a seminar, specifically a workshop, on different communication styles. One of the points I tried to convey heavily to my audience was the importance of teaching others how to treat you, from the start. 

"You only get once chance to make a good first impression!"

Thanks for the reminder. We get it. First impressions can be tricky sometimes. People can make a quick assumption about who you are, what your "value" might be, and how they feel that they can treat you. 

If you're going to be spending time with or working alongside someone who you may not know very well, you need to manage your new budding relationship; not just that first impression. 

I'll give you an example. If you've set an appointment with a co-worker and they show up annoyingly late, you're now presented with a few options:

1. Ignore the fact that they're 15 minutes late and proceed as planned
2. When (or if) they apologize, you reply, "Oh, it's not a big deal. You're fine."
3. Confront them politely, asking for their help in being on time for future appointments

I would guess that most of us would default to #2. It's usually easier to prioritize the other person "liking me" above the business relationship. If you choose to ignore (to excuse) the person's actions and behavior, don't be surprised when you experience more of it. 

When I said, "Don't worry, it's no big deal." I was teaching that person how I allow others to treat me, and how they can treat me in the future. I was unconsciously teaching them that my time was not valuable. Once I've chosen this particular interpersonal route, I can't then be upset if they showed up late and make me wait for future appointments. I've begun teaching them on the contrary. 

So, how do you teach them without sounding like a jerk who's been standing there alone fuming at the clock for 15 minutes?

Option 3 might go something like this, "Jen, it would be great for you arrive on time for our next appointment. When you show up late, it makes me feel as if you don't value my time. But I do still like you! I just wanted you to know how I felt." Leave a small pause here allowing them to smell that slightly uncomfortable air. 

This is when they will likely tell you about the 40-car pileup and the fiery meteorite shower and the alarm that didn't go off today because of the earthquake overseas.

Use your judgment though. If they were part of the 40-car pileup and they're still bleeding, or if there has been a legitimate calamity, you can cut them a little slack. If they overslept, or just "lost track of time", see above.

When you let people know how you feel when they have overstepped one of your treat-me-this-way boundaries (in this case, punctuality), they will normally make the proper adjustments. If they are late again the next time, message undelivered. You need to turn the knob up a little higher, and make your confrontation a little more direct, perhaps even more uncomfortable. Ask for their help in the matter. Ask if you can count on them to do said action in the future. Remember that your issue is with their action, not who they are as a person.

Punctuality is just one example. You can teach people how to treat you in endless ares: turning in a requested report, returning phone calls, responding to emails -- there are many ways to let others know which behaviors you tolerate and which ones you don't. 

The confrontation might seem awkward and a bit nerve-racking before hand, but openness and honesty in a relationship will make it flourish. 

Lee McCroskey
@rleemcc
Director of Leadership, Southwestern Advantage

Who Cares What Other People Think About You

i recently went with a few of my best friends on the planet to see a concert. we watched passion pit perform at terminal 5 in new york city. we went into the show with complete disregard for the opinions that other concert attendees may have had about us. we had the time of our lives.

our entire group was sporting glow-in-the-dark florescent colored glowsticks -- around our necks, our wrists and forearms, our belt loops, and sticking out of our hair. we wondered beforehand if we might be the only ones glowing that night. we were; and we loved it. we bounced and danced and sang our hearts out. we were 100% in the moment and loving the experience for exactly what it was, while we were in it. 

so thinking about our night struck a chord with me. who the heck cares what anyone else thinks about you? who cares about that opinion someone has created in their mind about you? opinions always change anyway, because as people we always grow and learn. 

if you follow your priorities, your goals, your heart -- YOUR opinion of yourself is the only one that really matters. make a commitment to yourself not to do things or make decisions based on account of how it may affect another's opinion of you. instead, do the things that YOU feel are in line with who you are, what you want to accomplish, and the person you want to someday become. my friend steph is an exceptionally good example of this: wearing black socks with sneakers, taking sewing classes, going to movies alone, writing and performing poetry, singing in the shower. she is her own person; comfortable in her own skin. 

go wear a metaphorical glowstick today.

@haleyjoprice
Lexi from SkWids.com

Southwestern Advantage Reviews - September 2012

The reviews keep coming in from excited families using Southwestern Advantage products all across the US and Canada. Thank you so much for the feedback you've sent us. Also, thank you for being a continual inspiration to those of us at the company and to our student reps who visited your family!

Tell us your story:

Facebook.com/SouthwesternAdvantage

Twitter.com/Southwestern

Email:  sw@southwestern.com

Read August reviews here

Read July reviews here

Read prior reviews here 

Be Curious

i'm not a big fan of the phrase, "curiosity killed the cat."
instead, i'd rather hear, "curiosity is what makes my cat so darn interesting."

have you noticed that we sometimes tend to just accept the answers that others give us without digging deeper? how often do we ask 'why' or 'why not'? the intention is not to challenge or attack the other person, but to learn - and potentially gain - a little something more valuable or worthwhile. 

people often give the answers that they think are correct, but really, that answer is just a symptom of a problem. 

boss: "we don't have the budget for that team building course in colorado."
you: "why not?"
boss: "well, we're spending far too much on the training courses that we provide here at the company."
you: "i see. are the courses we provide well attended?"
boss: "not particularly."
you: "do employees find them helpful or inspiring?"
boss: "not from the feedback i've heard."
you: "perfect. so we do have the budget for it, if only we can pull it from the training course here that is not found particularly helpful or valuable."

my point is that the problem was not the lack of budget, just the lack of curiosity, problem solving, and creativity. the budget was there, just the prioritization was not. 

friend: "i'm taking two weeks off of work to go out of the country."
you: "that's awesome! why?"
friend: "i'm actually going to india for a mission trip to help build an orphanage and shelter for a small town."
you: "wow. now tell me, why india?"

...you get the idea. we learn by asking questions. do this in your work or your day-to-day. you may find it increasing your productivity, job-satisfaction, efficiency, and respect for friends and colleagues. ask curious questions with your parents, kids, neighbors, or the lady behind the store counter.

curiosity is what makes us, and others, so darn interesting (like my cat).

@haleyjoprice
Lexi from SkWids.com

Southwestern Advantage Homeschooler Reviews

Homeschooling is no easy task. It requires an extensive amount of dedication, time, and resources. We're always excited to hear when one of our student reps is able to positively impact the efforts of homeschooling families across the nation. Here are a few reviews from homeschool families that we have recently received.

Tell us your story:
Facebook.com/SouthwesternAdvantage
Twitter.com/Southwestern
Email: sw@southwestern.com